the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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