'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
