he wants to bone in the snuggie
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
