Me too!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
porn star boner night. come get it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
