we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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