then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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