dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
