Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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