Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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