there was a trapeze. enough said
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
