so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I enjoy the company of your penis
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
