my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
