wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
