Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
