I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
