Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
