DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
