PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
