when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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