pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
