and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
