I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My vagina is very pro this idea
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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