you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
