Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm bleeding and have questions
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
