Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
