omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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