i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
