You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
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If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
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she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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