we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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