I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
