I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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