and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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