You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
