oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
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I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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