I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
it's great music for shaving your balls
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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