I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
