your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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