Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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