Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
look no pants
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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