guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize