I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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