she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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