What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
