She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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