i was born a porn star she said
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
