____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We're too hungover to prance.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
