Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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