Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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