After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
How naked do you want me to be?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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