No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
