They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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