I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize