omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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