ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
