You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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