im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
