He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
