Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
