I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
