I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
