I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
