remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
