Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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