It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm too high and old for this...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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