I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
