Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
