just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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