Need sex. Gaining weight.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
