that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
