It's Friday. Sex?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm bleeding and have questions
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