I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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