im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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