Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
